Prelude

"Before I travelled my road I was my road." ~Antonio Porchia

I have grown weary of my travels within myself... After entering the seminary I've decided to take that journey to travel within myself... a few years later, I grow dreary and weak.. my car has ran out of gas and I am now in the middle of nowhere. Too long have I travelled, too far have I gone, too many people have passed by and yet I face another unfamiliar ceiling... the bed is hard but then again how many beds have I slept on? It's sick. And I wait here inside my car for the next drop of rain to nourish my dry body...

I stand up..

I could stand afterall, I try to walk... is this the earth brushing against the soles of my feet... I run I scream I scream to the heavens like I haven't screamed before... the fantasies in my head are fading... my dreams are slowly turning grey... should I be saddened by this? Does this mean that I am slowly cursing my life away?

... I wake up...

was it all a dream? no I'm still in the middle of nowhere... but it feels different... I am at the bosom of the one I love... and the one who loves me back... I must have died for a few minutes after walking and getting out of the car... she takes me to the oasis and refreshes my soul... God does exist... He sent me his angel...
Must I stay like this? must I be with her forever and live in this oasis? Then... I remember my mission... still I lie in the middle of nowhere searching for myself... she will be there for me always there waiting by the oasis... ready to carress my soul and refresh it anew... but I must continue...
I'm not driving... I'll walk this time.. the people I meet will be the people who make my experiences... the beds I lie in will be my sheild... The hot earth feels good... at least I know I live... The bruises and cuts are there... I'm fine I know I must go on... this blood this red makes me know that I'm not dead.. still I walk on still I walk and the end can never be seen at all... steep hills are at my way, vast oceans and hostile jungles... yet I am not alone... I look back and still see the oasis as if i never left at all...

I'll be alright..

I'll be fine...

I am

This is absurd... - Albert Camus